


Fight or Flight

by includewomeninthesequel



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Romance, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-07-25 14:37:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7536637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/includewomeninthesequel/pseuds/includewomeninthesequel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone is built in with a primal response when faced with unideal, scary or stressful situations: Fight or Flight mode. Out of the two options, everyone has a tendency to react with one mode more often than the other.</p>
<p>But what happens when all you've known is flight, and now someone is showing you what it means to fight for something? Can instincts be changed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Flight

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first work I've ever written ever!
> 
> I'm really excited to share it with everyone. I have the first four chapters already written, with many more on the way. I'll be updating at least once a week, depending how much time my schedule gives me to write.
> 
> I love Hamilton (especially Lafayette), as well as Hamilton characters x Reader fics. I wanted a multi-fic Lafayette x Reader story, so I decided to write one! Lafayette isn't in this first chapter, but do not fear, he'll be making an appearance soon :)
> 
> This chapter is rather short, I'll be trying to make them longer later on.
> 
> Any and all feedback is really appreciated. 
> 
> Anything associated with Hamilton I unfortunately do not own, or anything you remotely recognize, for that matter. 
> 
> And with that, the story begins!

“There she is!”

Y/N’s heart dropped the second she heard the gruff voice, knowing that they had found her. She immediately began to sprint, her worn shoes splashing mercilessly in puddles as she weaved in between the crowd that had formed in the marketplace. As she rounded the corner at the end of the street, she was thrown back onto the ground as she collided with another person.

“Oh dear, I am sorry! Are you alright?” The woman’s voice brought Y/N out of the brief shock that the collision had caused. She stood up quickly. 

“No it was my fault I was-”

“Around this corner!” Y/N’s head whipped around to see three men rushing toward her and the other woman. Game over. 

Y/N froze as one of the men grabbed her arm. She couldn’t go back. Not there. She had worked so hard, she was so close-

“Gentlemen, may I ask what your intentions are with this young lady?” The woman Y/N had just met stood tall as she confronted the three men, each of which was easily twice her size. Y/N attempted to plead at the woman with her eyes, not wanting her to be harmed should she get involved.

The tallest of the men glared at her, and said with an air of superiority “Ma’am I apologize for this miscreant disturbing you today, we will be bringing her back to her home right now.”

“With all do respect, sir, I believe that is what I was going to do.” The three men stood there with their mouths agape, not understanding what this woman could mean. Y/N was also taken aback by the woman’s confident statement. “This is my daughter. I had lost her in the crowd, as you can see the marketplace is quite busy.”

The most burly of the men recovered quickest. “If this is your daughter, ma’am, and not who we are looking for, why did she run from us?”

“She is young and had just gotten lost in a crowd! If I had men I didn’t know begin to chase me I would also run, guilty of something or not. Truly you should be ashamed of yourselves, causing a young lady such duress.” She glared at each of the men in turn. The third man cleared his throat and spoke as he reluctantly let your arm go. 

“I apologize, ma’am,” he said to the woman, then turned his eyes to you, and you tried not to flinch “miss. We truly thought you were someone else.” They all turned, grumbling to each other as they walked away. You remained shaking even after they had turned the corner out of sight.

“Oh dear, that was quite a mess you’ve managed to get yourself into.” The woman smiled kindly at you as you continued to stare at her with wide eyes.

“I- you- they- but- I-… thank you…” You tried countless times to form words, but there was nothing in the English language that could possibly explain how grateful you were.

The woman picked up your bag from where you had dropped it. When did that happen? During the collision? When the men had come and grabbed her? Goodness her only food was in there, how could she be so careless-

“Do you have anywhere to stay right now?” The voice snapped Y/N out of her thoughts and she turned to look at the woman with her wide E/C eyes. You couldn’t believe this, not only had this lady, this angel, saved you from going back to the place that haunted your dreams and waking days, but she was still looking after you. 

“I… I usually make it up as I go along.” You sheepishly looked at your shoes. “I will be alright though, thank you very much. For everything, truly.” When she looked back up at her, she was looking at you with… concern? Care? Y/N wasn’t sure. She only knew that she hadn’t been given a look like that in years. 

“Come with me, dear.”

“What- no I couldn’t-”

“I insist, you-”

“But you’ve already done so much for me… More than you know.”

“Ah but you still need help. Please? A meal and night in a comfortable bed could do no harm, quite the opposite in fact.” The woman’s eyes were pleading and goodness, you couldn’t let her down, not after she had just saved you.

“I suppose not.” 

As she looped her arm through yours, Y/N took a moment to truly take in the woman’s appearance. She seemed to be not too old, but definitely had several years on Y/N. Her features were soft, but Y/N had seen how sharp they could become when she was angry. She was definitely a force to be reckoned with. 

“Forgive me, I realized I have not introduced myself. My name is Y/N L/N.” The woman smiled at Y/N.

“Martha Washington.”


	2. A Whole New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The sooner she left, the less it would hurt to leave these people behind. 
> 
> Although, a small voice in the back of her mind noted, it might already be too late for that."  
>  
> 
> Also the one where we finally introduce everyone's favourite fighting Frenchman ;)

Martha led Y/N back to her home and Y/N couldn't help but gape. The building was huge. Compared to what Y/N was used to, it looked like a palace. Her thoughts were confirmed once they entered the Washington Estate. The entryway itself looked as though it had come out of a storybook, with several doors leading to various other rooms, and a grand staircase right in the centre. Y/N had noticed that everything was decorated thoughtfully, and she couldn’t imagine the amount of time it must have taken to design and execute it all. There were small detailing on everything that Y/N could see, including the railings of the stairs. The walls were filled with paintings and portraits, some of which were of Martha, and a man who Y/N guessed was her husband. Martha smiled at Y/N fondly as the young lady took in her surroundings, looking absolutely awestruck. 

“Come, you can take a bath while I find some clothes that might fit you.” Y/N smiled softly. 

“Oh Mrs. Washington-”

“Martha,” she corrected, not for the first time since their formal introductions. Y/N smiled a bit more.

“Martha, I am truly grateful, but I will be alright if I stay in my own clothes.”

“Nonsense! Now follow me.” Y/N rolled her eyes fondly as she followed Martha, her heart warming due to Martha’s motherly tendencies that seemed to only grow the longer she remained in the kind woman’s presence.

——————————————————————————————————————————

After an extremely relaxing bath (honestly, when was the last time she had ever been able to take so much time cleaning herself?), Y/N walked into the room Martha had told her was hers (for as long as she’d like, she had added firmly). Y/N’s eyes widened as she saw the dress that Martha had picked out for her hanging on the door. It was absolutely gorgeous. Y/N was torn. She couldn’t possibly allow herself to wear it, after all there was nothing wrong with her dress, and the fact of the matter was that she could not allow herself to grow accustomed to such luxury…

But perhaps one night indulging in a fantasy couldn’t hurt. After all she would be on her way out first thing tomorrow. Besides, when was the last time she had had the opportunity to wear such a beautiful dress? If she passed it up now, how long would it be before another opportunity such as this arose? Ultimately she decided to wear it, another reason being that she did not want to insult Martha, who had already done so much for her, by deliberately wearing her own dress again. Smiling to herself, she reasoned that it most definitely would not hurt to wear this gorgeous dress.

Y/N’s smile only grew as she put it on and looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t help but twirl and giggle, she hadn’t felt so beautiful perhaps in her whole life. She was so wrapped up in twirling she didn’t notice that the door had opened and Martha was watching her with a smirk.

“I’m glad you like it so much.” Y/N stopped spinning abruptly, nearly tripping in the process. Her cheeks reddened and she looked flustered.

“Sorry, I suppose I got carried away.” Martha smiled and extended her hand toward you.

“Oh please don’t apologize. I am simply happy that this dress fits you so well. Better than it ever fit me, if you don’t mind my saying,” she added with a wink as you walked over to her and took her hand. “Now, there is someone I would like you to meet before supper.” Y/N’s stomach tightened a bit, either from nervousness or hunger, she couldn’t say. As she descended the stairs she saw a man dressed in a general’s uniform. Y/N stood up straighter.

“Y/N, this is my husband, George Washington.” Y/N curtsied.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr.- um- General? Washington. Sir.” Y/N stuttered. “Your wife has treated with me with such kindness, I cannot thank her or yourself enough for opening your home to me for the night.” The man smiled, his features softening, which in turn made him seem less intimidating than when Y/N had first seen him from the top of the stairwell. This helped calmed her nerves. Slightly.

“It is my pleasure, Miss Y/N. My wife has told me about you already and I am glad that she has been able to have helped you. And please, you can stay longer than the night. You are welcome here for as long as you’d like to stay.” 

The thought made Y/N’s stomach turn a bit. She hadn’t planned on staying any longer than tomorrow in the early morning. While the offer was very tempting, she didn’t want to impose on these kind people for too long. After all, she would have to find a way to make her own way in the world again after taking a break tonight. The sooner she left, the less it would hurt to leave these people behind. 

Although, a small voice in the back of her mind noted, it might already be too late for that.

——————————————————————————————————————————

After dinner, which was the most pleasant that Y/N had had in recent memory, they all retired to the lounge room, where both George and Y/N listened attentively as Martha played piano. The music was the only sound that floated throughout the whole house for several minutes until she looked up at Y/N.

“Do you play?”

“Only a little, and very poorly.”

“Come, and let’s play together.” Y/N’s eyes widened.

“Oh I don’t know Mrs.— Martha.” She corrected upon receiving a pointed look from Martha.

“Come now Y/N, humour an old woman.” Y/N smiled as she crossed the room.

“You are nowhere near old, Martha. Believe me.”

“I happen to agree with miss Y/N,” George Washington stated kindly. Martha Washington smiled at her husband.

“Of course, because if I’m old, that would make you old, dear.”

“Precisely,” he grinned.

Y/N watched the exchange with a soft smile, as she had been all night, and felt a small pang in her heart, knowing that they were clearly very in love. She hoped to one day have something even half as caring. She knew deep down though, that it was highly unlikely. She was always on the move, and any sort of feelings would only end up hurting her in the end. They always did. 

As Y/N began playing piano alongside Martha she started to realize that perhaps she had not forgotten all that her mother had taught her, so many years ago. Martha grinned as they began playing more complicated tunes.

“This is not what I would call playing poorly, Y/N. You are far too modest.” Y/N simply smiled as they continued on, only to be interrupted by a servant moments later.

“I apologize for interrupting sir, ma’am, but you have a guest.” 

The Washingtons stood and you followed suit. George Washington fixed his shirt and thanked the servant as he followed her to where the guest was, and Y/N took a small step back from Martha.

“I will go upstairs, so as to not disturb you and your company.” Martha all but rolled her eyes at you.

“My dear when will you understand that you are no bother whatsoever. Come with me and I will introduce you,” she smiled as she led you to the front parlour, where the General was speaking with someone else, also in a General’s uniform. Due to his back facing you and Martha, the only things discernible from him were that his curly hair was in a pouffy bun, and you could make out a French accent. George Washington saw you two approaching and smiled. 

“Lafayette, there is someone I’d like you to meet.” 

The man turned around and in that moment you weren’t certain if you had stopped dead in your tracks, or if it was time itself that had stopped altogether. The man had the most expressive brown eyes you had ever seen, which held yours intently as you finished making your way toward him. 

“Bonjour ma chéri, my name is Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette,” he said as he kissed your hand. “But you may call me Lafayette,” he said as he took in your wide eyes at his extremely long name. Your cheeks reddened as you realized you had been merely staring in awe at this man for the past few seconds and had not yet introduced yourself. 

“Y/N L/N,” you said as you curtsied. 

“Y/N? What a belle name. The name of an ange,” he smiled fondly at you as you blushed more. 

Y/N did not speak French, she really only knew a handful of words, but she had understood what Lafayette had just said. Angel? Now that was something new. Your stomach continued to do flips as George Washington explained to Lafayette that you were staying with them for a while, and your breath hitched slightly as it was implied that you would be staying longer than the night, but you could not possibly correct them, especially not in the company of this gentleman. You were thankful, however, that he did not reveal how you came to be in the temporary care of the Washingtons. 

George then turned to you and smiled, “Y/N, Lafayette is a close friend, and he will also be staying here while he’s in town.” 

Y/N nodded and her heart sped up, though she tried to keep it at bay, hoping that the noise of its beating did not reveal how she was already instantly taken to this very handsome Frenchman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I'll be working non-stop for the next week, I figured that posting the next chapter is just what what was needed in case I'm too busy to get it up in the next few days.
> 
> Again, anything you recognize does not belong to me! Full credit to those who it does belong to.


	3. Already More Than an Acquaintanceship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the reader realizes she may have already caught feelings (of family, friendship, and perhaps something else?)
> 
> This time with more Lafayette! ;)

George Washington invited Lafayette over to the lounge room where they had been before, sitting beside his wife. Y/N paused awkwardly until Martha subtly motioned for her to take a chair that was opposite Lafayette. The rest of the night was spent with amicable chatter, Y/N only chiming in when asked a question, most of the time by Lafayette. When it became late, Martha suggested that everyone retire for the night. Together they all made their way upstairs, George and Martha Washington turning right toward their bedroom. Y/N was left with Lafayette as they continued straight down the hallway.

“If you do not mind my asking, mon ange, how long are you staying with the Washington’s?” Lafayette looked hopeful. 

That was a good question. You had only planned to stay the night. You were never in one place for longer than that unless you had taken ill and could not bring yourself to move. You never had a reason to stay anywhere for an extended amount of time anyhow. However, could there now be a reason or two to stay longer? The Washingtons were very kind and had offered you clothing, food, and an extended invitation to stay as long as you wanted. You really liked it here with them, as they were genuinely caring toward you. Lafayette was also staying here for the next while as well now, and you really liked him, and maybe it was vain of you to think this, but you also liked the attention he gave you. Even though you had only known him for a few hours, he made you feel important, wanted, even. Or perhaps you were simply being foolish and naive in believing in this temporary sanctuary. Your head and heart were torn, arguing against each other, when you realized you still had not answered the Frenchman’s question. 

“Well I… I’m not quite sure honestly…” Lafayette’s face remained neutral but there was a small light in his eyes. Oh what you would give to see them burn brighter. 

“Whatever you decide, mon ange, I only hope that you will allow me to see more of you.” Y/N’s E/C eyes widened as she blushed softly.

“Monsieur that is very forward indeed… but perhaps not such a terrible idea.” Lafayette grinned at you as you looked up at the door you had just arrived to. “This is my room.”

Lafayette looked confused. “Pardon, but I believe this is my room. I always stay in this one when I stay here.” It was Y/N’s turn to look confused, until realization dawned on her.

“Oh I’m sorry! Mine is fourth down, not third.”

“It is alright, mon ange.” Lafayette smiled and offered his hand. “May I walk you to your room?”

Y/N smiled. “Thank you, Monsieur, but I believe I can manage the journey.” Lafayette grinned.

“Oh but I insist! What kind of gentleman would I be if I let a beautiful mademoiselle such as yourself walk alone at this hour?” Y/N giggled and rolled her eyes fondly. Against her better judgement, she accepted his hand.

“I suppose I wouldn’t want to tarnish your standing as a gentleman.” 

Together they walked the whole five steps to the room which Y/N was staying in. Lafayette opened your door for you, then paused. 

“Bonne nuit, mon ange.” He gently kissed the hand of yours that he was still holding. Lafayette smiled at you before turning back to his own room. 

It took quite a few moments for your heart to begin beating at a normal pace again, and it was only then that you closed the door. You couldn’t help but twirl in giddiness. Goodness, you’ve been doing that a lot lately, haven’t you? Y/N sighed happily and sang quietly to herself as she began preparing for bed. Her last thoughts before she dozed off were of the most beautiful eyes she’s ever seen, and surprisingly soft lips on her skin, that lingered only a moment longer than what was most likely considered normal.

——————————————————————

The next morning saw Y/N eating breakfast with Martha, who seemed absolutely delighted when her bag had not been in sight. Y/N was not completely sure whether staying another day was a good idea, but she let herself be swept away in the conversation, not wanting her underlying trust issues to ruin the bright day that was full of potential.

Potential, as it turned out, came to be in the form of a certain handsome Frenchman who walked in minutes later to join them for breakfast. As the servants began to serve his food and drink, Lafayette gave his attention to the two women sitting opposite him. 

“Good morning Martha, mon ange.” Y/N couldn’t help the small blush that crept on her cheeks at the pet name that was clearly not going away anytime soon. If she was being honest, she didn’t want it to. 

“Good morning, Monsieur, I trust you slept well.” 

“I most certainly did, but please, call me Lafayette.” Martha smiled at him.

“Trust me, Lafayette, it’s a hard habit to break with this one.”

“Hey!” You blushed furiously as the two laughed at your expense. Lafayette winked at you before turning his attention to Martha.

“Has Monsieur Washington left for the morning?”

Martha nodded. “He had an important meeting out of town. The revolution is escalating and they are needing him more and more… I fear it won’t be long before he has to truly leave again to fight.”

Lafayette nodded sympathetically. “I understand, but I know your husband, and he will do everything it takes to win this war and come back to you.” 

“I know.”

“And I will be there fighting alongside him. I will make sure nothing bad happens to him.” Martha smiled at him gratefully.

“Thank you.” 

That made Y/N pause. She had known of Lafayette’s passion and involvement with the revolution as it was touched upon last night, but hearing it beside the fact that something bad might happen did not sit well with her. She attempted to ignore that, however, as it was probably silly to be so worried about a man she had only just met. However, a voice nagged in the back of her mind that it was no use pretending that she had not already began to care about him more than she should.

——————————————————————

“I was thinking about going into town today,” Y/N commented to Martha after breakfast. Lafayette had previously excused himself to go write a letter.

“After what happened yesterday? No no no, if you are going into town you are not going alone,” Martha said sternly.

“I understand why you would be reluctant-”

“Of course I’m reluctant! It is too dangerous-”

“I can manage-”

“You mean manage like you did yesterday?”

“Not that I’m not grateful, because I really, really am, but I would have figured something out… probably…,” Y/N argued, though she knew that had it not been for Martha, she would have been roughly escorted back to her own personal hell.

“Really? They were three men three times your size. What would you have done?”

“I… Well.. um…”

“Exactly! I can't have you getting hurt,” Martha’s eyes were pleading and Y/N swallowed hard.

“Please, Martha, with all due respect I’ve been on my own for a long time, I will be fine-”

“But you are not alone anymore, Y/N!” The statement made Y/N’s stomach flip.

“I…” She was at a loss for words.

“Y/N I don’t pretend to know why those men are after you and I do not wish to force you into telling me, but you must understand that I am worried about you! Something could happen to you and we would have no knowledge of it. Those men are most likely not deterred, if their reactions yesterday were any indication. You have to be smart about this or you could be lost to us.” She looked near tears.

Y/N knew she was right, but there was still something nagging in the back of her mind.

“I do not wish to be a burden on you. You have already done so much for me.” Martha’s expression softened even further and she pulled Y/N into her arms, who remained tense for a few moments before relaxing into them.

“You are not a burden, I promise you. Everything that we have done for you we have done because we care deeply about you. Please do not ever doubt that.” Martha pulled away and wiped a stray tear that had escaped Y/N’s eyes. “Now, we will go into town together. If you want you may even invite Lafayette, I am sure he would not mind,” she added with a knowing smile. Y/N gave her a small grateful smile as the aforementioned man chose that moment to walk in the room.

“Pardon, I was hoping to find you, mon ange, but I heard my name as I was walking by and I could not help myself.” 

Martha smiled at Y/N, who returned one that was slightly bigger than the last she had given her, before turning to Lafayette.

“Monsieur Lafayette, would you do Martha and I the honour of accompanying us into town?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't own anything you recognize.
> 
> Feedback is more than welcome! I really hope you all enjoy! :)


	4. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the reader and Lafayette get to spend some quality time together!
> 
> Much fluff!

The sun shone brightly as Martha, Lafayette, and Y/N made their way into town. There was a new shop that had just opened up a few blocks from where Martha had first met Y/N, which she insisted on going into. As Y/N followed her into the shop, she tried to keep her eyes from going too wide as she looked around at the clothing and jewellery which were clearly far pricier than anything that she had ever even hoped to own. Even in one of Martha’s loaned dresses, Y/N felt extremely out of place. As she strayed from Martha and Lafayette, she began eyeing a small necklace, whose only decoration was a small Y/F/C gem dangling from the thin silver chain.

“It’s gorgeous,” Y/N muttered to herself as she eyed it longingly. It shined in the light, but was not overwhelming. In a way, it reminded her of her mother. After all, she supposed, they had once shared the same favourite colour.

Y/N eventually tore herself away, knowing that it was just one more thing that she could not have. She really needed to remember that forming attachments — even to trivial things such as jewellery — was dangerous. 

She found Martha looking at some of the dresses near the back and joined her, humming in appreciation at the fine materials of the dresses.

“This one matches your eyes, Y/N,” Martha commented.

“I see what you’re doing Martha, and you’re not getting me to agree that I like a dress just so you can buy it for me when my back is turned,” Y/N smiled.

“My my, beauty and brains, you are the whole package, now aren’t you?”

Y/N laughed, shaking her head.

“I’m sure Lafayette thinks so,” Martha grinned as your head snapped up to look at her.

“I-you- he,” you stuttered, knowing that your cheeks were going slightly pink. “I am sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh I’m sure you do, but in case you don’t, I would pay more attention to him. That is, more than you already are.” 

“I do not! I mean yes I have noticed him, that is he attractive — I mean in regards to other men especially — I mean… oh okay fine…” Martha simply laughed at how flustered you were becoming at merely mentioning him.

“There you are, mon ange,” you heard Lafayette say as he approached. He really had excellent timing, didn’t he?

“Afraid to lose me, Monsieur Lafayette?” Y/N said cheekily with a smile as you turned to face him.

“You have no idea,” he responded genuinely without missing a beat. Y/N’s cheeks reddened slightly, and you looked away so as to hide your growing smile. Because of this, you missed the fond look that Lafayette gave you. You looked up as he took your hand and kissed it. You let your smile grow slowly and watched his do the same.

You left the store arm in arm, ignoring Martha’s knowing smile that was directed at the two of you. 

——————————————————————————————————————————

The next few days went on in this fashion. Every morning you would have breakfast with Martha and Lafayette, George Washington usually being absent because of his commitment to the war. Due to the fact that Lafayette also played a key role, he would occasionally excuse himself for long periods at a time as well, doing heaven knows what, but Y/N knew it was for a greater cause. 

One thing that remained constant, however busy he may be, were your daily outings with the General’s wife and your favourite Frenchman. These small adventures into town were your favourite part of the day. Usually you would have lunch in town with both Lafayette and Martha at some point into your venture. The three of you were always back at the Washington Estate for dinner, where George Washington was usually more likely to be in attendance than not.

Finally, at the end of every night, Lafayette would walk the extra five steps to your room with you. You were always unsure what the looks he would give you at this time meant, but it made you feel warm inside, and so you simply returned these gazes with ones of adoration. He would never leave without kissing your hand, and every night these kisses seemed to linger slightly longer each time. If you were being honest with yourself, you had an inkling that he shared your rapidly growing feelings, but you could never bring yourself to ask him, or do something about it. After all, facing your feelings head on had never really worked for you in the past. There was one thing, however, that you simply had to share with him, if only to let him in just a little bit more.

“Lafayette?” Y/N asked quietly one night.

“Oui, mon ange?”

“I… You mustn’t say anything to Martha, or General Washington for that matter, but… I was originally planning to leave in the morning after your arrival, and I just wanted to say… I wanted you to know… that I am very grateful that I stayed.” Lafayette’s smile widened slowly, and he leaned in slightly, whispering.

“I am very grateful you stayed as well, mon ange. I cannot imagine that I would be half as happy as I am now should you have left so soon after our first meeting.” By this point his forehead was leaning against yours, and you shut your eyes, not wanting to open them, for fear that this, that he was just a dream.

Oh, but your favourite Frenchman was a dream in and of himself. Every day Lafayette took every opportunity to compliment Y/N, and you truly weren’t sure what to do in response to it at first. In the past few years of your life you had not been paid such attention, and if so, never in such a positive, and dare you say it, caring manner. At first you would simply become flustered and giggle, looking away to hopefully hide the effect of his words on you. However, it wasn’t long before you had begun to flirt back almost just as often, which absolutely delighted Lafayette. You had never felt so free in your life, and you were enjoying every moment of it. However, in the very back of Y/N’s mind there was the ever looming expiry date of this life that you had allowed yourself to get lost in. He would have to leave to fight in the war, and you did not think that he would want to pursue this when he did. After all, it was simply a fantasy, a vacation from the reality that threatened to burst your bubble of happiness. 

——————————————————————————————————————————

On the seventh day after the arrival of Lafayette to the Washington Estate, Martha was invited to tea with one of her friends. As she was getting ready to leave, Y/N snuck by her and had almost made it out when-

“Where do you think you’re going, young lady?” Y/N sighed as she turned around to face Martha.

“It’s been a week, I’m certain it will be fine if I go out alone-” Martha’s chuckle made Y/N pause.

“While I am still worried about what happened, that wasn’t what I was referring to.” 

“Huh?”

“Have you forgotten about a certain gentleman who always accompanies you into town?” Y/N could not help the blush that crept on her cheeks.

“I- well- he accompanies you too!” Martha laughed.

“But I am not the reason he has accompanied us every day,” she smirked. Y/N’s cheeks continued to redden.

“He is simply being a gentleman!”

“So the gentlemen type is your type. I’ll be sure to let him know to keep it up then.”

“Marthaaaaa. Stop it!” Y/N couldn’t help but allow a smile to creep up onto your face.

“Oh come now, Y/N, you have to admit that there is something more than friendship between you two. You do not have to come clean about your undying love for him but at the very least admit that.”

“You’re impossible.”

“I also happen to be right.” Y/N sighed in mild defeat.

“Okay… maybe he is quite handsome… And extremely sweet to me… And gives me these looks and smiles that make my heart melt… But that does not mean that I-”

“Mon ange, Madame Washington, are we ready for a journey into town?” You both turned to see the subject of the conversation approaching, a huge smile on his face. Although he had addressed both of you, he was only looking at Y/N. Martha looked pointedly at Y/N before responding.

“I unfortunately have another commitment, but Y/N would be absolutely delighted if you would still accompany her into town.” 

“It would be my honour, mon ange,” he said with a big grin, kissing your hand.

You matched the size of his smile. “Very well then, my good monsieur, let us go.”

“Have fun. And stay out of trouble!” Martha’s smile was evident in her tone, even though the two of them were already halfway out the door.

———————————————————

Y/N and Lafayette decided on going to a marketplace near the outskirts of town because it would most likely be less crowded than the other marketplaces that the town had to offer. On their way there they encountered a small band playing a song. Surrounding them were a few couples dancing. Y/N grinned as she admired all of the women being twirled around the square.

“May I have this dance, mademoiselle?” Y/N turned to Lafayette and saw his hand offered to hers, a hopeful smile on his face.

“I would love to, monsieur. Although I must warn you, I am not that good of a dancer.” Lafayette chuckled as you took his hand.

“Do not worry, mon ange, neither am I.” 

You giggled as he led you closer to the centre of the square. The two of you began dancing with the rest, although slightly fumbling, but you could not care less. Every time you tripped, Lafayette would hold you closer, and you became surrounded by him, his arms around you, his scent intoxicating. The thought alone was dizzying, and combined with the spinning and dancing, you held onto him tighter for fear of tripping horribly. He held your gaze for the entirety of the dance, and Y/N allowed herself to be swept away in the moment. Alas, the song ended too soon, but you remained very close for many moments after the music had stopped.

“Laf…” Y/N whispered.

“Laf?” He questioned softly with a smile.

“Yeah… It’s a nickname I suppose,” Y/N smiled back.

“I like it. Almost as much as I like you,” he grinned.

“And how much is that?” You challenged.

Lafayette paused for a moment before kissing your forehead.

“More than you know, mon ange,” he mumbled against your skin. “More than I might be able to admit to myself.” 

He let his lips linger on your forehead for a few more moments, during which you closed your eyes, willing your heart beat to slow down. Eventually you both pulled away, but Lafayette offered you his arm, which you gladly took. You continued walking to their original destination, both of you grinning like idiots. 

“Oh my goodness look, Laf, they have flowers! Oh and they’re so beautiful!” Lafayette chuckled at Y/N’s excitement as she led him to the small flower cart. 

“Mon ange, you are, how you say, adorable?” Y/N rolled her eyes fondly. 

“I suppose that would be a word you can use.”

Lafayette smiled and paid the woman, grabbing a red rose from the cart. “A beautiful flower for an even more beautiful lady,” he said as he handed you the rose. Y/N looked up at him with a wide grin.

“You are certainly something else, Monsieur Lafayette.”

“I suppose that would be a word you can use,” he grinned and kissed your free hand.

“Technically that’s two words.”

“Oh come now, mon ange, I thought it was my turn to be witty.”

“What can I say? Sometimes these things just come naturally. But perhaps next time I’ll allow it. Only because I happen to be extremely fond of you.” Y/N winked at Lafayette as he grinned at you. You had both completely forgotten that you were still standing in front of the flower cart until the owner spoke up.

“If you don’t mind my saying, you two make a lovely couple,” the flower lady smiled.

“Oh we’re not-”

“I agree,” Lafayette winked at you as he offered you his arm. You rolled your eyes fondly as you looped your arm with his and kindly thanked the lady as Lafayette led you away. 

“Did you really mean that?”

“Mean what, mon ange?”

“About us being a lovely couple.”

“But of course. I believe, that no matter the circumstance of our true relationship, I believe wholeheartedly that we would make, we can make… we are an excellent couple.” His voice was firm, and he was giving you that look again. The one that you were not quite sure of the meaning behind, but made butterflies erupt in your stomach nonetheless. 

Before you could even begin to form a response, however, you heard a voice say your name, a voice that you had not heard in years. Though it sounded much different now, you would know that voice anywhere. Your blood went cold.

“Y/N? Y/N, is that you?” 

Your entire body panicked and you quickened your pace.

“Just walk, keep walking, don’t look back, just go,” you whisper forcefully to Lafayette as you quickly lead him through the marketplace, your arms still linked.

“Mon ange, what is wrong?” Lafayette looked at you with a worried expression but kept up with your quick pace, lest you go off without him. When you didn’t answer his question he stopped abruptly, causing you to stop with him and almost trip.

“You are worrying me, mon ange, what is happening?”

“I’ll explain later, just-” Y/N halted her speech as her arm was grabbed, and before she knew it, she was being pulled from Lafayette’s side as she was turned around. Y/N then found herself face to face with someone who she had not seen in eleven years. 

Her brother, John Laurens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise?


	5. Nowhere to Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the past and present collide, and the reader has to come face to face with things she thought she had left behind for good

Figures, Y/N thought. Just as things seemed to be going perfectly, someone comes along to ruin your day.

You really would have to stop frequenting any and all marketplaces at this rate.

“Y/N, where have you been?! I’ve been so worried!” John looked at you as though he couldn’t believe that you were there in front of him. You tensed, his apparent concern for you making you feel sick.

“No. No you do not get to do that. Please just leave me be I-”

“Laurens?” Lafayette’s eyes widened as he recognized who had been the cause of your distress.

“Lafayette!” John only just then noticed that you had not been alone. He had been focused solely on getting to you. 

As they looked at each other in recognition and confusion, you could only gape at them. Of course. Of course they know each other. Goodness the universe must really be getting a kick out of this. You had barely registered that your brother had begun to speak again as you looked around for a way out, a way away from him.

“Lafayette you found her, I cannot believe-”

“Found her? Non mon ami I believe you are confused, I met her a few days ago when I went to stay at-” 

Your eyes widened as Lafayette spoke. If your brother knew where you were staying, there was no telling whether or not he would want you to leave there in favour of going with him, and there was no way in hell that you were being taken away from the first place in years that you hadn’t wanted to leave behind.

“That isn’t important, what’s important is that you let me go, John. Please,” You begged.

John looked heartbroken. “Y/N please I understand that you’re upset that I left but I-”

“No you don’t understand. You don’t know what happened after you left because you left!” Your harsh tone was directed at John as you struggled to free your arm. You needed to get away, you needed to leave. Now.

“I do not understand..” Lafayette’s eyes were furrowed in confusion as he attempted to assess the situation.

“You don’t have to understand anything. Just please trust me when I say that he has to leave.”

“Y/N please. I know that my actions may not have shown it, but I still care about you deeply.” John was looking so upset that it made your heart hurt. But it had been eleven years since you had seen his face. It had been over one year that you hadn’t even written to him. Everything had changed drastically since then. You were no longer kids. He was no longer the older brother who had sworn that he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. You were no longer the wide eyed girl who believed that.

Were you even still a family?

“Hang on, mon ami, are you, or were you, courting Y/N?” Lafayette stepped back from you and your eyes widened. Whatever you thought he might have been deducing from this situation, this was certainly not it.

“No!” You and John both all but screamed. As you finally freed yourself of your brother’s grip, Lafayette looked between the two of you suspiciously.

“What is going on?” 

You wanted to scream in frustration. Instead, you took a deep breath and looked at Lafayette with pleading eyes.

“Please, Laf, don’t worry. I promise you this isn’t anything at all, he just needs to leave me alone.” 

You tried to reach for Lafayette’s hand but he pulled it away. It was the first time he ever denied your touch, and quite frankly, it stung. A lot. You stayed looking at him with sad eyes, just wishing that you could find a way out of this.

“She’s my sister, Lafayette.”

Well if there was no way out before, there certainly wasn’t now.

“Hang on, you mean the sister who has been missing from your aunt’s house for over a year?”

He knew? John had told him about your escape? Well did he also mentioned how you were abandoned there by him? You couldn’t believe this. 

“Yes, precisely!” John answered.

This was a mess. A mess that was getting messier by the minute and it was too much. Goodness why couldn’t you just disappear into thin air? You had left your past behind for a reason. You didn’t want it to poison your future. Although as you watched Lafayette’s face turn from concern to confusion to anger, you realized that it was too late for that.

“Mon Dieu! Y/N do you have any idea how worried your brother was?” Lafayette looked very upset with you. He had also called you by your name, something he had not done since you were first introduced.

And that was it.

The straw that broke your back.

In the span of mere minutes, your brother had disrupted your perfect bubble world. He had forcefully grabbed you, accusingly questioned you, as if he was not the one at fault. Not only that, but now Lafayette was turning on you as well. The man whose words had been nothing but sweet, whose looks had been nothing but caring was now speaking harsh words to you, was looking at you with what looked to be disappointment and anger. To you, this was betrayal. How could he jump to John’s side so quickly? Did he not know you better? At the very least did he not think better of you to at least give you a chance to explain? Had the past few days meant nothing to him? Had whatever this relationship was between you two meant nothing to him?

This is why you couldn’t trust people.

As the two men continued to question you repeatedly, you blinked back tears.

Really it was your fault. You should’ve known this week was too good to be true.

“Stop it! Both of you stop it and leave me alone!” You tried to run but John blocked your path.

“Y/N please I’ve been worried sick not knowing where you were this past year!”

“That’s likely,” you spat out at him. 

You tried to run the other way but were blocked again by your brother.

“It’s true!” 

You stopped trying to run and took another good look at him. Your heart clenched at the sight of his desperate face. You wanted to believe that your brother meant his words, but you just couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. He wasn’t allowed to look so hurt when you were the one that went through hell and back. Goodness, had you even made it back?

“Then why did you abandon me?!” You could no longer stop the tears from falling. “Why did you leave me with her?! Why-why didn’t you listen when I begged you countless times to-to take me away from that place?! You didn’t care enough to-to take me seriously then-then! Why should I think you-you care n-now?!”

Both men were stunned into silence by your outburst. Lafayette stepped forward to wipe away your tears, his voice gentle as he finally spoke.

“Mon ange-” 

You stepped back, feeling your back gently hit a wall. You were truly trapped now.

“Oh, s-so now I’m your mon ange again? You men are u-unbelievable!” Lafayette looked heartbroken and apologetic as John also stepped forward.

“Y/N, please I thought I was doing what was best for you. We had no wealth and aunt Marigold-”

“Do not say her name.”

John looked utterly lost.

“Y/N, please… don’t continue to shut me out. Please talk to me, tell me why you ran away.” You sighed, feeling so exhausted.

“It finally became clear that you weren’t coming back for me, so I decided to save myself.” John furrowed his brows.

“Save yourself? Y/N what happened?” John’s pleading eyes widened in concern.

You hesitated, suddenly feeling extremely insecure. Your mind flashed back to countless letters in which you pleaded to be taken away from that horrible place only to be received with just as many replies saying I’m sure it’s not that bad and Please stop exaggerating aunt has already done so much taking you in.

You hated how your voice sounded so unsure as you spoke again.

“I-if I tell you… Do you promise to believe me this time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST.
> 
> Please don't hate John Laurens you'll see how everything went to wrong between the reader and him soon.
> 
> Sorry for the lack of Laf/Reader interaction but man it's hard to focus on your not boyfriend when you're just reunited with your estranged brother


	6. Interlude of Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the reader attempts to process what the hell just happened, and what the hell she's going to have to do next.

You had been reluctant about leading John back to the Washington Estate but you really did not want to have this conversation in public, and you knew that it would be a safe space for you to vent about everything that had happened since you had first gone to live with your aunt — the wretched creature.

You walked a few steps ahead of the two men, attempting to collect and organize your thoughts. 

“She is really your sister?” Lafayette spoke quietly to John. Thankfully for them, you were too wrapped up in your own thoughts to notice. John nodded.

“This is the first time I’ve seen her in person in eleven years…” John said sadly. 

“Mon Dieu mon ami, that is a very long time. I could not imagine what it would be like to be separated from her for so long,” he looked at you with sad eyes, which did not go unnoticed by John.

“Lafayette… how long have you been with Y/N?”

“Eh… well we met about a week ago, but because we are both staying at the Washington Estate I have seen her every day since then. Truthfully, I do not wish to go a single day without seeing her,” he said the last part softly.

The question of the nature of the relationship between you two burned on the tip of John’s tongue, but before he could ask, Lafayette spoke quickly to him.

“Excusez moi, mon ami,” 

John only had time to blink in response before Lafayette sped up to walk beside you, looking incredibly apologetic. 

“Mon ange, je suis très désolée, (My angel, I am very sorry)”.

You simply kept looking forward as you walked, even going as far as to quicken your pace slightly. Lafayette, however, was undeterred. He matched your pace. 

“Ma belle, I know I had no right to make such comments about your personal life like that. I was simply upset because I could not believe that you, the most sweet person I have ever met, could have caused her brother so much pain.” 

At the mention of your brother you bit your tongue and huffed. 

“Pardon, I know that does not excuse my terrible actions, mademoiselle, I was completely out of line.” 

You hummed in agreement, though you were finding it harder and harder to keep this up. Yes, you were still incredibly mad at him, but you also knew deep down that he didn’t mean to hurt you, and here he was practically begging for your forgiveness. Truly, they don’t make them like this anymore, if they ever have. Lafayette was one of a kind.

“I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Even if you never speak to me again, even if you never look at me again, if I can make you happy one last time, if I can make you smile again, no matter how small the smile, it will be worth it, mon ange.”

You sighed softly, looking at the rose that you still held delicately in your hand, then looked up at Lafayette, the smallest of smiles creeping up into your face. You could already see his eyes lighting up hopefully.

“Oh Laf, I could never stay mad at you. I know that you meant well but please never go jumping to conclusions about me again, alright?” Your tone was gentle but firm. Lafayette nodded his head vigorously.

“Of course mon ange, never again.” He kissed your hand gently, which made your smile grow slowly. 

Goodness this man had a way of making your heart melt in a way you never knew it could. He was slowly breaking down your walls, and you couldn’t help but feel helpless. You were slowly giving this man more and more power to destroy you, but in a way, you had always longed for something like this, regardless of the ultimate result. 

You couldn’t believe how much you had let him in already in such a short amount of time. You supposed that that was why it had been relatively easy to forgive him. You cared about him deeply, and the thought of fighting with him hurt your heart. So much so that you were able to understand that it was in the best interest for your relationship to forgive so that you could both be okay again.

Your thoughts turned to John. This reasoning could very well apply itself to him as well. But this was different, a part of you thought. He was the one who was supposed to have protected you, and he failed miserably in that department. He had directly and indirectly caused you pain for years, whether he had done so intentionally or not. These thoughts made your blood boil. He had no right to try and force his way back into your life. You had spent so long trying to accept the fact that would never be a part of it again, and now here he was. It wasn’t fair.

Although, the other part of you admitted, as much as you hated yourself for it, you still cared for him deeply. He was still your brother after all. You also couldn’t help but hope against all odds that his actions had good enough reasoning behind them. You really didn’t know what you could do if they didn’t. In your head you played around with the idea of forgiving him. Of course there would be some major making up to do, and it would take a lot to rebuild trust, but the seven year old girl inside you just wanted her brother back. You couldn’t deny that your eighteen year old self did as well.

Eleven years since you had seen him last. He had really grown into a man. His voice had gotten deeper, his hair was a few inches longer and pulled back in a very low ponytail. However, the thing had struck you the most was how his eyes still had a bright spark to them. You were glad that the years had not taken this away from him. Even though he towered over you now more than ever before and you really didn’t know who he was anymore, it comforted you that this small part of him hadn’t changed. It gave you the tiniest hope that your relationship could be rebuilt. You sighed softly as you tried to wrap your head around how you were going to tell him — and Lafayette— everything that you had kept locked away for so long. You knew it was crucial if you ever hoped to reconnect with your brother, but you were by no means ready to share it.

As Lafayette laced your fingers together, you looked forward, seeing the Washington Estate appear in the near distance, causing your stomach to tighten.

What you didn't see, however, was John Laurens looking closely at the interaction between you and Lafayette that was happening not even a foot in front of him. He took the time to see the way Lafayette looked at you with such adoration and care, and how you reciprocated his looks, even though you were more shy about it. He watched how you both stayed in comfortable silence for the next while. This brought on an onslaught of questions in his mind. You looked comfortable together, but exactly how close were you two? What were his intentions with you? Were you courting? It certainly looked as though you were. However, what if you weren’t courting? That thought made him practically furious. How dare one of his closest friends be treating you as though you were courting even though your relationship was platonic? 

Then he realized, Y/N, his baby sister, was no longer a child. You were of courting age after all, and you had the right to choose whether or not to court someone, and how to act with men whether you were in a courtship with them or not. You had grown up, and he had not been there to see it. As he watched you begin to banter playfully with Lafayette, he saw a fire in you that was both the same and new. You had always been bold, but this was something else. You were independent now. You had to have been for some time now, he reasoned. You were now a woman, and though he was proud to see how (even more) beautiful and strong you had become, his heart ached for having been absent to its progress. He had missed the last years of his sister’s childhood, and the beginning of her growth into adulthood.

No more. 

He was determined that starting today, he would begin to rebuild his relationship with his estranged sister. He would not make the same mistakes that had made him lose you in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of a transitional chapter, but I think everyone needed to process what happened!


	7. Shadows of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we finally learn the truth about the reader's past, and how it affects her current relationships.
> 
> Triggers: Descriptions of a panic attack and child neglect/abuse

You led the two men into the Washington Estate, where you were greeted by one of the servants. 

“Good afternoon Miss Y/N, Mr. Lafayette, and…” She trailed off as she noticed your brother’s presence.

“John Laurens,” he said kindly to the lady. “And what is your name?”

“My name is Amelia, Mr. Laurens”

“She has been nothing but kind to me since I have arrived here,” You added quickly as you smiled at the woman whom you considered to be almost a friend at this point.

“I am just doing my duty Miss-“

“Oh Amelia, please! You have gone above and beyond for me and you know it. And I told you the “Miss” isn’t necessary. I am no one of importance.”

“I would have to beg to differ, mon ange,” Lafayette cut in. You rolled your eyes at him.

“You’re doing it again, Laf.”

“Doing what?” He smiled innocently.

“Oh you know exactly what you’re doing.”

“You are not wrong, mademoiselle,” he grinned at you as you rolled your eyes again, but you were not able to contain the smile that was creeping onto your lips.

“Y/N? Lafayette? Is that you?” 

You all heard Martha’s voice become clearer as she approached. Your smile dropped and your stomach tightened. You had thought (more so hoped) that the Washington’s would not be home yet. Amelia took the opportunity to excuse herself to finish some chores and you stood straighter, ready to face what was now the inevitable.

“Ah you are back I thought I heard two voices flirting louder than usual— oh, and who is this gentleman?” Martha paused as she saw that the two of you were not alone.

“John Laurens…” 

While the mention of you flirting with Lafayette being a usual occurrence bothered him slightly, he knew there were more pressing things to discuss first. 

“I am Y/N’s brother.” 

Martha’s eyes widened in shock and you held you breath.

“Brother? As in relative… family? Of Y/N?” 

She looked to you for confirmation, to which you nodded slowly after hesitating. Martha then looked at John cautiously. 

“With all do respect, Mr. Laurens, may I ask where you have been?”

“Martha-,” you started, only to be cut off.

“May I also inquire about your whereabouts during the period during which Y/N was alone and forcibly grabbed by-”

“Grabbed?!” Both men spoke in unison and looked at you with wide, concerned eyes.

“Almost grabbed! Martha please I can-” Your pleas were cut off by Martha, who was speaking slowly in a low voice in order to contain her anger.

“- three men. Not only that, I have not heard anything about a brother-”

“Mon ange, what happened?”

“What men tried to grab you?

“Sil vous plait, if there are people after you-”

“-whatsoever since she came to be in my care-”

You couldn’t handle the onslaught of questions that were being thrown in your direction. You couldn’t process everything at once, you needed to think, you needed Martha to stop near-verbally attacking John, you needed John to stop behaving as though he had a right to act in an overly protective brother type way, you needed Lafayette to stop giving you those looks of such concern and care which felt near smothering at this point and- 

breathe.

You couldn’t breathe.

You needed to breathe.

Why couldn't you breathe?

You felt your chest tighten and you began heaving, gulping in as much air as you could force down to your lungs since your airways felt restricted. You felt dizzy to the point of causing nausea and lightheadedness. You could no longer focus on everything that was happening around you. You needed to put all of your energy into breathing and not collapsing, but it was hard since you felt — since you were — completely out of control.

Stop. Stop. Stop. You needed to stop, you needed them to stop. 

Stop.

Now.

Please.

It took several minutes for you to begin breathing regularly. When you did, you began focusing back in on your surroundings. You were sitting on the ground. Sitting? At what point had you sat down? Slowly you began registering voices again. Concerned tones. Your hand was gripping someone else’s. Lafayette’s hand.

Lafayette.

You slowly opened your eyes (when had you closed them?), and saw your favourite eyes filled with concern. Your heart sank knowing that you were the cause of that. You took three more slow and deep breaths and whispered quietly.

“L-Laf?”

“Oui, oui, c’est moi. It is alright, mon ange, I am here. I am here.” He kissed your hand gently over and over. 

You looked slightly to your right and saw that Martha was stroking your hair gently. You took another breath and swallowed hard.

“I-I’m sorry. It-it was all just so much and-and I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe-”

“Nonsense, you have no need to apologize, Y/N. We were putting a lot of pressure on you,” she reassured you. 

You blinked back tears.

“I-I just want it to e-end,” you hiccuped.

“Want what to end, dear?”

“I-I want it to stop h-haunting me… I-I’m so tired I just want h-her to leave m-me alone…” 

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, using that small burst of energy to stand up, with the help of Lafayette, who put his arm around your waist as soon as you were standing. You despised being treated as something fragile, but your panic attack had left you too exhausted to push him away. You hated feeling like this. This is why it was always easier to leave— to run — instead of facing the atrocities of life.

“Y/N…” A third voice brought you out of your thoughts and you looked up at John, who had tears in his eyes. You returned his sad expression, not knowing what to say.

How about the whole story? A small voice in your mind said. You sighed, feeling resigned. 

“There’s something you all should know…” You began.

“You do not need to tell us anything that you do not want to,” Martha said gently.

“I want to… I need to.” Your voice was still quiet, but firm. Martha nodded and led the way to the lounge room where you had spent your first night with Lafayette and the Washington’s. Lafayette led you to the couch and sat down next to you, but you made sure that there was considerable space between you two. As much as he had become a comfort for you, you needed room to breathe and think. 

Martha sat in the armchair across from you, John taking a seat on another couch facing toward you. 

You took a deep breath.

“When I was seven years old, my mother died. Father had already left about two years prior. I don’t have many memories of him… John is two years older than me. He was nine. We were orphans with no prospects, no home. All we had was each other— or so I thought.” John physically flinched at that.

…

“Where are we going?” A seven year old you asked as you clutched onto your older brother’s hand.

“Somewhere safe,” he said, sounding so sure and hopeful to your scared self.

“I’m safe as long as I’m with you,” you replied, hoping that you matched his confidence in your tone. He smiled at you.

“I’ll always be with you, little bean.” You rolled your eyes at his nickname for you, but smiled anyway.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

…

After John knocked on the door, you were greeted by a woman who was beginning to age. She shared your mother’s eyes, but they were nowhere near as warm.

…

You waited on the steps as John talked to your aunt. Aunt Marigold. Aunt Marigold who was supposed to take you in and give you a chance in life.

After what felt like hours, but was most likely only minutes, they both came out. You rushed to stand up.

“Aunt Marigold said that she can take you in,” John stated. Your face broke into a grin. 

“Yay! You were right John! You were right!” You grinned as you hugged him. He hugged you back so fiercely that you almost couldn’t breathe. When you pulled away, John had tears in his eyes. You were very confused. Wasn’t this supposed to be a happy moment? Weren’t you supposed to be happy now that you had a home again?

…

You didn’t understand why John couldn’t stay with you. 

He promised that you would always stay together.

The moment he told you, you had tried to deny it, tried to get him to admit that it was only a cruel joke he was playing on you. 

But it wasn’t a joke. 

It was real. Very real.

Then your tactics turned to ones that would hopefully make him stay. No matter how hard you tried though, he remained adamant. He was to leave this instant. He wasn’t even going to spend one final day with you.

Why? Did he not love you?

You looked up at your aunt pleadingly, hoping to gain her help in convincing John to stay. All you received was a shake of the head.

Was that his intention all along then? Leave you here then go off and have the ability to be his own person anywhere in the world, without having to watch out for you?

Did he think you were a burden?

Were you a burden?

The wind stung your tear stained cheeks as you tried to run after him, only to be restrained by your aunt Marigold’s hand on your arm as he walked off quickly. Unable to break free from her grasp you screamed his name, begging him to come back.

There was no response.

…

Your room wasn’t a room. It was a curtained off section of the cellar, with only a small bed and a threadbare blanket.

…

Your meals weren’t exactly meals. They were usually a piece of bread and whatever scraps you were spared. You learned the best way to sneak food from the kitchen after only two weeks into your stay.

…

Your clothes were always worn, and usually torn in one place or another. It did not matter though, as you weren’t allowed outside except for the backyard, and even then that wasn’t regular. It pained you that you could no longer go to school.

…

You received a different kind of education. Lessons on how to clean in the most efficient way possible, lessons on staying out of sight while cleaning, lest you get sent to the cellar without the little food that you were allowed, lessons on how to become a master thief in your own household so as to simply survive. The only “formal” education you had came from books that you already owned, that used to be your mother’s. You taught yourself how to read better and how to write. 

…

You were allowed to write to John. Most likely to keep up pretences. Either way you were grateful. It was your chance to change the state of your life. You took each letter as an opportunity to slip in how unhappy you were, how you were uncomfortable there, but alas to no avail. You were careful to never let her read the letters, sealing each one yourself before you handed it to her so as to have it mailed. There was no telling what her reaction may be should she read the contents of your letters. In each letter your pleas to John to be taken away from that place became clearer, longer and more desperate. However, in each of his responses his tone became more frustrated and exasperated, berating you for being so ungrateful.

You did not understand how he could not listen to you.

Then again, if he did, he would probably feel obligated to come and get you. 

He had left you here in the first place. 

And he didn’t want to come back for you.

…

At age five you had lost your father due to his selfishness.

…

At age seven you lost your mother due to illness.

You lost your brother because you were too much trouble to keep around.

You lost your childhood because of a cruel aunt who despised your father for leaving and your mother for dying, forcing her to take you in.

…

However, it wasn’t until the age of 16, just three days shy of turning 17, that whatever shred of innocence you had left eluded you forever, when a surprisingly strong hand came down on your cheek, leaving it red and stinging. She had found your latest letter to John that you had not finished yet, in which you called her and your life here a series of terrible words, begging him desperately to take you away. 

You were no longer allowed to write him, that much was clear. You were also banished to your room without supper, not for the first time that week, tears streaming down your face as you raced down there, lest you receive another blow if you stall.

Enough was enough.

You grabbed your only bag, and packed it with some clothes, and most of your food that you kept hoarded in case of days that you were denied any. You then waited for nightfall.

Due to your living space being in the cellar it was hard to tell, but as soon as you heard your aunt’s footsteps travel to her bedroom you waited a few more minutes, barely daring to breathe. You then quietly crept upstairs and snuck out the back door.

Then you ran.

You ran and ran as fast as you could. 

You didn’t look back once.

You have been running ever since.

…

You held your breath as you looked at the three people around you, waiting for a reaction.

Martha looked livid.

Lafayette had the same expression, although his was also laced with concern.

John looked…

Broken.

“Y/N-“ His voice cracked and you broke as well, tears streaming down your face. 

“Y/N, I-I didn't know it was that bad I am s-so so-sorry. I understand now. I understand e-everything.” 

He didn't even attempt to hide his tears as he spoke.

Your heart hurt immensely seeing him like this. Maybe it was seeing his tears, or just the whirlwind of emotions you had been experiencing all day, but you could no longer bear to suffer apart from him. Yes, you were a child when all this happened… but so was he. Maybe you needed to stop pushing him away and let him at least explain himself. You stood slowly and walked toward where your brother was sitting. You sat down beside him and wrapped your arms around him. 

John let out a bigger sob and clutched onto you tightly, whispering how sorry he was over and over again. You held onto each other like a lifeline, as though the other would disappear should you let go even a little bit. Neither of you noticed when Martha and Lafayette left the room to give you privacy. 

You didn’t know how long you stayed there holding each other, but when you finally pulled away, both your eyes and cheeks were red and puffy. You sniffled a bit as John wiped a tear from your cheek.

“W-why did you leave?” You whispered shakily, because you were crying or because you were scared of the answer, it was hard to tell. 

Probably both.

“I didn’t want to- god I never wanted to… But she w-wouldn’t let me stay.” 

Your eyes widened at this new piece of information. 

…

Aunt Marigold took in the scrappy young boy, whose eyes were wide with hope and determination. 

“Please, momma died and we have no one now. My sister and I need a home. Please, you’re all we have.”

“I am a very busy woman, and if you have not noticed by the state of my home, I do not have the wealth to be taking care of two children,” John’s heart sank.

“We have nowhere else to go! Please Y/N is only seven, she can’t stay on the streets. I promised momma I’d look out for her.” 

The woman stared at John for a few moments and then sighed severely.

“Fine. I will take her in.”

“Oh thank you thank you I-”

“Just her.” 

John’s breath caught in his throat.

“W…what? No… I promised her we’d stay together, she needs me!”

“Well which one does she need more, her brother, or a roof over her head?” 

John couldn’t believe his ears. It broke his heart to leave his beloved sister behind… but at least she would be safe. She would have a home and food and a better chance in life than he now would. He would have to do it. For her. 

“You will be allowed to contact her of course, but if I ever see you on this doorstep again she will be without a home. Understood?” 

John blinked back tears and nodded. But it would be worth it, right? Her future was worth it.

When he stepped out the door and gave you the news, he swallowed hard and hugged you back as tight as he could, knowing that it would be the last time in a very, very long time.

…

“Oh that foul, disgusting, wretchedly vile creature! If I ever see her again I’ll-” 

You were livid. That woman had caused your family such duress. And to think this entire time you had blamed your brother for abandoning you.

“Y/N please it’s in the past-”

“No it’s not! She still haunts my nightmares, I’m scared to turn the corner and see her there! Even after I left the house she’s had goons chasing me because she convinced everyone in the neighbourhood that I am mentally unstable and dangerous and she was the good samaritan who has done so much to save me and it’s done so much for her reputation, it’s ridiculous! She’s done nothing but hurt us since day one. John, I lost you because of her. I am so incredibly sorry.”

You sniffled and blinked back more tears that were threatening to spill.

“No, I am sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I wanted to believe so badly that I had done the right thing that I couldn’t bear even the notion of the idea that I had left you worse off than before. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Of course,” You hugged John and buried your face in his shoulder, which had become much broader in the years since you’ve seen him.

You were by no means over what had happened, but you knew now that what had happened hadn’t been his fault. He was only doing what he thought was best for you. Yes, that had ended up putting you in an awful situation for years, but you couldn’t keep blaming him for decisions he made when he was only a child. It was time to move on. After all, you finally had your brother back.

“I promise you that I’ll never leave you behind again, little bean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super unsure about how I feel about this one since it's such a vital chapter. I know there's not much Lafayette x reader in this particular one but this needed to be done in order to put more focus on the backstory. I really hope you all like it!
> 
> Again, any feedback is much appreciated!


	8. Coming Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otherwise known as the one that everyone's been waiting for!

You and John remained talking with each other for many more hours, reminiscing on the past, and updating each other on what has happened in the eleven years since you had last seen each other, which quite frankly, was a lot. You learned that after some hardships your brother ended up working under a man who was kind enough to offer him food and shelter in exchange for an apprenticeship. For years he stayed working with him until the man passed away, leaving John an incredible inheritance, as he had no other family to pass it on to, with his only request being that he remain the ambitious and kind young man that he had come to know. 

This happened about a week before he heard news of your disappearance. His original plan was to come and get you so you could be reunited and live together, but of course that all had to change. You couldn’t help but feel guilty. You knew that you had to leave your aunt’s house, but what if you had waited just a few more weeks? How different would your life had been? You could have been living a very fulfilled life with plenty of food, an actual home that you could call your own, and of course, you would have been reunited with your beloved brother much sooner. 

Then again, you probably would never have met Martha.

Or Lafayette.

Your thoughts were interrupted when John began to tell you of how he had become involved in the revolution, which was how he befriended Lafayette, and had briefly met General Washington. That particular bit of information was very intriguing to you. Before you could inquire more about the subject, however, John continued on to his desire to wanted to abolish slavery. You were delighted to see your brother so passionate about this subject, and listened intently as the he kept talking. Halfway through his rambling about this particular subject, there was a knock on the door.

“Y/N? Mr. Laurens? Dinner is almost ready,” Martha’s smiling face revealed itself as soon as she opened the door. You smiled gratefully at her and stood up.

“Thank you, Martha, we’ll be right there. Will General Washington be joining us?”

“No, he unfortunately will be returning home tomorrow morning. But let me answer the real question you wanted to ask. Lafayette will be joining us, and he is most excited to see you there.” 

Your cheeks blushed a bright red.

“I didn’t-”

“Oh dear, you didn’t have to. Do me a favour and stop acting like we don’t all know you’re already in love with each other. See you in a few minutes.” 

Martha smirked as she left. You sighed, knowing that eventually you and Lafayette would have to talk about whatever you two were, and truthfully, you were curious to see if he truly wanted to make whatever this thing was between you official.

“Um… Y/N?” 

You jumped a bit, having forgotten that John was still in the room.

“Uh-yes?” 

By the look on his face as he also stood up, you could tell what the next thing out of his mouth was going to be.

“Are you and Lafayette courting?” 

Bingo.

“Well… not exactly…” 

You hated to think how he would react knowing that you’ve been acting in such a manner with a man who you were not courting.

“What does that mean?”

“Well in not so many words… No. We’re not.” 

You wished that you were courting Lafayette, however, that went without saying. John took a deep breath while you held yours.

“Y/N, I know it’s not my place-”

“You’re right, it’s not.”

“It’s just that the way you two were behaving-”

“John, if what you’re going to say is that how we act around each other is inappropriate considering our relationship is platonic, then yes, you’re right. But what you don’t know is how well he treats me, platonic relationship or not. I don’t believe that he would intentionally harm me, and… well I am not opposed to receiving affections from him, but if a courtship between us never happens then so be it. I care about him and I am old enough now to decide how I act around others, including men that I may or may not wish to court. Don’t you dare judge me for it.” 

John paused, looking at you.

“I know.. I’m sorry I just… I guess I’m still not used to the fact that you don’t really need me to protect you anymore. You’re still my little bean,” he said as he ruffled your hair. 

You swatted his hand away and rolled your eyes with a smile.

“Besides,” John added, “I happen to be very good friends with Monsieur Lafayette, which means I also happen to know exactly how to… progress… your relationship,” he smiled at you. 

You matched his mischievous grin.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Let’s go make that attractive Frenchman officially yours.”

He offered you his arm, which you accepted.

“And how do you propose we do that?”

“For that, little bean, you’ll just have to trust me,” he grinned.

“If you say so,” you smiled back.

You led him to the dining hall, where you saw Lafayette and Martha already sitting. You smiled as John pulled out your chair for you, which was across from Lafayette. You rolled your eyes at him as if to say seriously?, but his grin just said just go with it and so you did. John sat in the seat next to you, across from Martha. There were a few moments of awkward silence in which no one knew what to say until Martha spoke up.

“Mr. Laurens, how long are you planning to be in town?”

“Originally I was only planning to stay until tomorrow morning… but now I’ve decided to stay longer. Much longer. And please, Mrs. Washington, call me John.” 

Martha nodded slightly as though she approved of his answer and smiled at him. 

“Well you are more than welcome to stay here John for as long as you’d like. And call me Martha.”

“Martha at this rate you’ll be housing all of Albany,” you grinned and she laughed.

“Well perhaps I will one day. Who’s to say?” 

You laughed and looked at Lafayette, who had been uncharacteristically quiet so far. You glanced at John quickly and he smiled and nodded at you.

“Monsieur Lafayette, it’s been ages since we’ve last seen each other, tell me, how have you been?” John inquired.

“Very good mon ami, I am here in town for certain revolutionary business.”

“Oh but he has been so kind to take time out of his busy schedule to spend time with Y/N and myself, isn’t that right, Lafayette?”

“Is that so?” John grinned at Martha, who nodded with a wide smile. 

Uh oh, you thought. Did they just share a look? 

“Oh it is. He would accompany us into town every day, and he would put up with us as we dragged him into each and every store that we thought was even remotely interesting.” 

You groaned internally. If this was their form of matchmaking, then you were doomed. Looking over at Lafayette you noticed that his expression probably matched yours, and you had to bite your tongue to keep yourself from laughing out loud.

“Why, Lafayette, you really are just as much of a gentleman as I remember you being,” your brother grinned at him.

“Quite the gentleman indeed. He always compliments your sister on how she looks whenever he sees her,” Martha added.

“That is because she always looks beautiful,” Lafayette replied without hesitation. 

You looked at him quickly.

“Do you really mean that?” You asked him.

Lafayette looked only slightly flustered, but held your gaze.

“But of course, mon ange,” he smiled softly at you.

“And here I thought you were only saying those things to get a reaction out of me,” you teased.

“That too,” he retorted. 

You couldn’t help but laugh, which made his smile only grow. Because of this, you both missed John and Martha smiling successfully at each other and nodding, as if silently planning their next move.

“It seems as though you’re treating my sister very well, Lafayette.” 

“He is,” you replied immediately. 

Lafayette gave you a look, but you were unsure of the meaning behind it. You simply smiled at him.

“If I may be quite honest, I cannot imagine anyone treating me better,” you added softly.

Lafayette looked positively dumbfounded. 

“I… Mademoiselle… that is very sweet of you to say,” he eventually replied.

“I would have to agree,” said John.

“Myself as well… But truly, Mr. Laurens — pardon me, John — the best thing is what they say about each other when the other isn’t there.” 

You and Lafayette both quickly turned to look at Martha.

No.  
Oh no.

Your eyes widened and you looked at Lafayette. His eyes were just as wide as yours and you both began speaking at the same time.

“Martha I think that’s enough-”

“Madame I do not think-”

“Nonsense! I really want to know,” John grinned cheekily. 

Dear god you wanted to smack that grin right off his face. You turned to Martha pleadingly, who smiled at you.

“While I would love to tell you what they have said, John, those things were said in confidence to me.”

You and Lafayette both audibly sighed in relief.

“However, if we give them a moment alone, they might say it to each other.”

“Martha wait-”

“S’il vous plait, madame-”

“Excellent idea, Martha! After you!” 

You watched helplessly as they both walked out of the room, silently cursing them as they did.

When the door closed, you were left with Lafayette, who looked like he was trying to process everything that had just happened. He looked up and his eyes met yours. After a few seconds of eye contact, you both began to laugh. This was absolutely ridiculous. You two had already been acting like a couple for a week now. You probably should have spoken about this earlier, but mostly you were baffled that it took your brother and Martha interfering to such an extreme level to even bring up such an opportunity. When both of your laughter died down, he smiled at you.

“Well then, mon ange, I believe we have been, how you say, ganged up on?” 

You grinned at him.

“You would be right my good monsieur, although, if it means I get to spend extra time alone with you, I do not mind it at all.” 

Lafayette grinned at your words. Most of the time he was the one to initiate flirting between you two, and so he would always be delighted when you were the one that started it.

“In that case then I believe that we should make most of this time together.”

“I agree. We can begin with you telling me what you’ve said to Martha about me when I’m not there.” 

His smile slowly grew and he stood up, walking around the table to your side. 

“Mon ange, I cannot believe that you are completely oblivious to my feelings toward you.” 

His eyes never left yours as he approached you.

“I want you to say it.” 

Your voice was quieter than you were expecting it to be. Your heart was hammering as Lafayette offered you his hand. He helped you stand and he kissed the hand of yours that he was holding, still keeping his eyes locked with yours.

“Mon ange, I admit to you that I, Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette have very strong feelings for you. From the moment I first saw you I could not help but be immediately intrigued, and this intrigue has grown to something more. If I may be very forward, I am falling in love with you, mon ange, if I have not already completely fallen. Should you allow it, I would love to have the honour of courting you.”

You grinned as Lafayette spoke, your heart fluttering with every word. This was the moment you had so desperately been waiting for all week, and it was finally here. You finally let out a small giggle and brought your free hand up to Lafayette’s cheek.

“Nothing would make me happier than courting you, my dearest Laf.” 

The smile he gave you could illuminate the world, you thought to yourself. 

You hadn’t realized that you had both begun to lean closer and closer until your lips were less than an inch apart. Your eyes fluttered closed as your lips finally met. His lips were even softer against your own than they were against your skin. The kiss was tender and gentle, Lafayette placing his hands on your waist as your now free hand placed itself on his shoulder. You both parted slowly, but kept your faces close enough that your noses touched. You were left breathless. It had been everything you had expected and more. You kept your eyes closed for fear that when you opened them, he would be gone, but allowed yourself to smile broadly. Lafayette nuzzled his nose against yours, causing you to giggle and open your eyes.

“Wow,” was all he said when your eyes were open, his grin matching yours.

“Wow,” you mimicked and giggled as he pulled you closer, his arms wrapping themselves fully around your waist.

“Very funny, mon ange.”

“Oh I know I’m positively hilarious,” you grinned cheekily.

Lafayette opened his mouth to retort when you both heard Martha’s voice from the other side of the door.

“With all due respect you two, we haven’t finished dinner, and we’re still hungry.” 

You both laughed and you nodded at Lafayette, your now courter, as he looked at you for approval.

“You may come in mes amis.” 

Even as the door opened again he did not let you go. In fact, as soon as John and Martha walked in the room, Lafayette kissed you gently.

“Well it’s about damn time. Wait until George hears about this.”


End file.
